25.11.08 15:39

oh wow dude.

your dad...he sounds like a very cool cat. i think he would have got on well with my uncle. two very down dudes with lots of talent but naughty habits. so that is where the coolness comes from dude! its like inheriting a certain colour hair or something. the cool vibes you know, the smart way with words. you must be really proud to have a pops like that. how groovy. 

i bet he digs the stories you write. right? ah how cool.

thanks for sharing it with me thunderbolt. (tips hat and grins) 

x

Sometimes I think sitting on trains.

and then when i came back everything was just worse, well i sort of forgot to eat you know? and then every day a little more bone would come and then it wasnt me anymore it was the skin all taut and stretched over lots and lots of bone. and i sort of felt like i was fading away somewhere else and i'd better get rid of the hair too in case that was too heavy now...argh. i guess it was bad. but i didnt know how bad. so when i got here, you know, and the parents saw me. well they got all upset and now things are better and the bones are going away, slowly. i'm still very thin. but at least im eating now. but the hair is gone and i miss it. because its bare bare bareness nothing to put in front and say "look at me i've got lovely long blonde hair!" now its just me. but you say i look like desire and that is better than anything because he/she rocks hard hard hard and that is awesome. so i am happy. thanks man. *hug*

lumberjack jackets. we should probably get some so we can match. it might be a good look.

sometimes i think sitting on trains x

09.11.08 00:46

there are tears streaming down my face.

thank you, you have no idea how many times thank you. i needed that more than oh god i dunno i needed that. i want to say so many things, i mean gosh man...

if you want something to work, you've got to put your love into it right? 

i'm trying. 

i've been reading your notes on facebook. you're writing, what you write-what you just wrote to me. argh i cant see my eyes are too full of tears. sean i wish i could hug you right now, i cant say anything more, i've got so much more to say, will say. i think as soon as you lost your comics i knew we were two people cut from the same dog eared cloth. and i'm sorry i was too much of a lame person to acknowledge it. 

it's dark now and the street lamps are on in washington. i can see the monuments from outside this window. i feel so far from where i want to be, but hearing from you-all the letters/words/ you just gave to me, i feel almost like myself again. sean, dude, i wish i could express how much happier you have just made me feel. argh i feel like my head is full of cotton. 

see i know you know, because you know right? just to know you know,,, ah man that's enough to make me smile. 

ok let's make a deal, if i had a knife or some sort of cool thing-you know we'd make it a blood brother deal....

i promise. i promise-i will be here for you. whenever, whatever, because i get it, and you get it. 

if that aint love then tell me what is. 

Karmel.

The cars move too fast around me

as the bus came I said goodbye to Dean

ending our debate on whether a new year really makes a difference

I think it's a good enough excuse to make one

this rain falls hard, but I still don't put my hood on.

I reflect on the best year of my life

and though i try to block it out

I know there's one regret I can't leave behind.

hey.

I never should've let go of my winter coat

the rain almost pierces through my skin

an unlucky optimist sees it as a baptism

the excuse to let go of the same old

to choose to travel down a new route

before my way gets labelled as infamy

none of these places get me to where I want to be

because none of those places put you next to me

to feel the way I used to

this new life is too close to what I've been used to

I hate that this current lifestyle is now the usual

Get up don't make love don't be touched

go out late don't know how to cry for help

get drunk, act like the texts sent themselves

I've felt like that with you, I could've done better

my apologies come in texts asking for meet ups

that between us being so busy never seem to come.

This piece has taken a few years to write.

I think we'll be friends one day.

A break up.

Ann has her eyes closed dancing to "It's got to be real" by Cheryl Lynn in an overtly sexualised manner with the brides father. He touches her bum . He's eighty six.
Her eyes open and pan to the corner of the Marquee where all napkin origami swans have been crumpled. No one's sat there. Sophie pulls her arms to carry on dancing.

She twirls to find Jeremy, not moving, with his coat on and hers in his arm.
They both stand still. He looks at her. Her face is lowered at the coat. They're both silent.

Grabs the coat, storms through the dance floor, straight to

Sitting in the cab looking at the door.
Tapping at the window.
Tapping at the window.
Tapping at the window.
The door opens. He strolls to the car, apologises to the cab driver.

They look out their windows.

About half an hour in It's got to be real by Cheryl Lynn plays on the radio and she starts crying.

His hands wrestle with each other.

London part one.

The train stops like slides with socks
Fifty percent of Londoners don’t know how to stop
the other half don’t know how to start
I move with all I’ve got but don’t move with enough
I don’t read enough books
I don’t breathe enough
I’m too hard on myself
and lacklustre dream chasers
It’s London.
All we have to do is
make it happen.
for two years I haven’t had a
good enough reason
to be leaving
constantly harassing me
while making it clear that
she doesn’t need me
We’ve concluded from recent reports that
seven out of ten londoners wear ipods
to ignore whatever street workers sell us
as soon as she walked in
all the noise of my head was deafened.

at Nineteen.
I met an American who was in love with
the city i lived in,
and proceeded to show me
a side of the city
I never knew existed
my world had expanded
beyond cricklewood
and west hampstead
did you know
one in three of all east london men
have handlebar moustaches?
and half of them talk out their arses.
His name was Johna,
He talked often 
about the house boat he lived in
trips to india, said words like "eloquent"
played clash songs on the ukelele
had a perfectly trimmed stubble
and chatted up girls while calling them babe
I put my head down
as if he was talking that shit in a year room
and if i looked like I’m his friend
a portion of chips, beans and cheese
would also be thrown at my head
but no school dinners came
not even beats
he talked wank
and got off free-
in some ways
you could say
he inspired me.

Second draft. The vent.

Quarter to twelve and it's tea number four.
Maybe I should just vent my thoughts.
See if where I am is a place others have been before.
Not sure if I can last as long as my mates
I don't read much nor am I one for wordplay
how long can I really put a broken heart on display
I was nineteen when she said I'd be great one day.
One day you'll really be something special.
Back then I didn't know what to say,
Far as I was concerned, I was already great
But the American didn't need rumours to go her own way
Now I'm with those who chain smoke listening to the chain.
Given up most reaches for fame because it's embarrassing watching it chased
No, please do not ask me to retweet every product you make
nothing sadder than a former star refusing the request to fade away.
With that said, ladies and gentlemen, singer songwriter for queen, Brian May!
She said I'd be great one day. That's all I need. One day.
A day when I can look at my face from outside of myself
Clean my flat, answer my emails, figure little things out
remove each thought from my head and place them back
like tetris bricks and throw away the ones that don't fit.
instead I'm tangled with the parts of me I can't lose
each one taken a loss I've tried to remove myself from.
But if I can get that one day all those regrets will be gone.
Find a new beginning in a kiss like that night i was reborn.
Maybe that one day came and it's time to move on.
I've got to keep on talking, my head is too crowded
and I can't keep my thoughts in.
Englishmen don't suffer from depression
before suffering from repression
Too much pride to put your hand up in lesson
where I come from you can't afford to be wrong
Chairs sooner flung before you admit trouble with the sum
When it's all you've got lets see how valuable pride is to you
some jobs you just can't work
as you're still waiting to be given what you feel is deserved
weird position to be in wen you've got so much to prove
but can't afford to lose and it's like life's closed off all routes
so you stay in your room and play video games all day
wondering what the fuck it is you can do- Zombie blues
just slip away. Just let is slip away. One day you'll escape.
All we've got is mates that hate others success
and you laugh with them but in your head you know
it'd be so much better if they were all dead
because you're tired of having to pretend you're happy with them
after all these years of doing nothing all you want to do is start again.