What i remember, from memory.

Clear lense, squished from car tyre snow,

Grey hat.

Red coat, lumberjack black squares

collar popped.

mid shot(. Angle.) Small face, big eyes

wearing the smirk that births the

smile that shows the,

teeth that look that,

brings me to my knees
but if it is snowing you
wouldn't notice.

Not in this moment, walking forward,

eye contact with a lense. Blue scarf

scaffolding to the left, where untouched

whiteness rests. thick eyebrows, brown eyes:

Wolflike. Eye contact with a smile.

brown eyes, big enough to engulf

turn, you think you know the street

All we really know is she's fashionable, has

a thin frame padded for the cold with cool clothes

walking along a well travelled, worked-on road,

is taking a moment to turn while trudging through snow

and is in love with whoever is taking her photo.

got bad to do

Phone calls and hang-ups and step toe and son re-runs.
rustling sheets lovely sandwiches and jackets as presents.

ripped-tights, made-teas, passive-aggressive arguments.

jokes. everywhere, museums new-books, cuddle, television

show-her-off parties shrugs roll-off the tongue insults

lots of drink being sick pale people warm-up breakfasts

eggs, bacon, mushrooms loving looks between menus
promises from eye contact that have one rush to the flat
stroked arms, resting heads denim daisy dukes removed
stretched stomachs in flips, smiles no longer reserved

old streets walked on spent in awe- but one's too fast

press-ups towards late-night runs to more aspirations

cold-shoulders no eye contact new looks no respect given

moonlit bodies slide with anger, train seats stare into space

inspiring work inspired from smiles laughing at them

all men that try to be something they're not, what we'll never be

no answers too scared to ask questions too proud for pain

far away looking back at yesterday try to find out what it meant

replay every event wanting another body that's heaven sent

golden green olive kisses mismatched lovers circumstances 

deal the blows take the pain, we eventually stand all the same

and if i had the choice yes i'd do it all again.

She's close. I'm closer

to everyone
there's another one
and she's ust like the last one
it's ridiculous I know. To be the type who has a type
as i type i wonder if I've got this situation overhyped
but i fell in love with her writing before i fell in love with her
the type of script that was written over a heartbreak,
by one who thought flashy words where a good enough cover
in that world she only has to give a minute
the type of script that thought it could hide it.

my years as a fighter put me in good sted.

heart was a sled

white snow of sorrow.
glide till the end of tomorrow

She sounds and looks the same as my old girl but carries no baggage. so maybe i could manage. yeah, right. like im boyfriend material. I remember being clearly told... talking about feelings bringing me to the kitchen. and even when in the living room i didn't look at her as she drew on her wrists. throwing away each plea i did suggest. so as if. im not. That typeofguy. im a loner. im a loner. that doesn't mean im alo-... yes it does. that doesn't mean i can't enjoy it. that doesn't mean i cant get with someone else. i just have to up the game. more nights out, less looking at this new one. the new one. she's great, you'd like her.. she's good looking, funny and most importantly cutting. never had much of a sweet tooth me. it could work.
,
she's got a man, I've got something deep inside mocking every move I make, so every time she looks to me, I look away. before love, before, before i thought I had a chance I was charming. I actually remember her eyes. Deep dark green.  i never remember anyones eyes. Apart from The American. Why do the loves of before define the man I am now I could get her away from him. I could charm her away. into  an above chicken cottage life. what would i support her with? I got nothing. fuck. it's ridiculous. no chance.
I just want her. just so, i mean, she's so like the last one. it's so close to being perfect. I can get her. then get her to love me. and then... i can break her heart.
and i can finally be the winner. and watch her cry.
is that so much to ask?

Showing my age.

The Love of you is all any man could need.

I'm content with comics and video games
For I have never been a man
yet to crash land from where I am
'mmmore of a martian

some girls move one up and down

It's the best connection to get,
that's why i hate it when we
get moving up and down and she

doesn't look me in the eye.
an all too frequent effect when with
a girl that wants to see someone else
she fucks as a cry for help
it's not that I don't realize this but
I left the game for the same reason
she did not. to love with body parts
so you can silence the cry of a heart
no way will she ever be replaced
her mistakes are expressed on my face
a permanent scowl to remind lovers
we murder all things it's in out nature
so treasure what you got as I'm walking
without. a hand. to hold. and it's winter now
and I'm feeling cold. and i 1ook to the mirror
man I've gotten old.
it's like I've been nineteen for three years
hoping two minutes of time could slide
into a canyon of luxury, having my bones
broken along the way, re-moulding into

something respectable; presentable.

I'd re-emerge a body not a vegetable
a somebody, no longer forgettable.

figure out an easy thing to understand

When young i was a manchild

now old I have become a childman
I mean, a martian. I'm a martian.
the child searched the plains for fun
the man went along, hoping he'd run
into the love of one. that one day
he'd feel good, hoping soon the gist
of you, will be understood
While my martian self hovers above
studying the history of the enigma that's love
observing friends who are dreaming of
girls that don't break then fly like a dove
and guys that can't wait to give you a hug
or boyfriends who at least try a little harder
(can't connect to her friends for a convo)
she doesn't understand there's no point
in talking to people I don't want to know
and my girl does believe she's losing me
that's sad in a way as there is no way she
ever truly had me. Though she should.
we where cocooned on a summers night
the cure was playing on youtube as we cried
and it's a little sad. in a way. right?
can i give her everything i have in sight?
sure, my only posession is eye-light
What's a glow to a martian. I mean a child
no, a man. and I am.
That journey that was planned
will now begin.

see saw

I see so
I saw the fall.

To hurt back

Or feel at all.

cried out

but it never shows.

the rush from my dear

no one knows

bleeding my soul

flows as London grows

a sacrifice so small

and it gives deja vu

of that time I talked to you

When my smile was so wide

though you said there was pain in my eyes

and after three more drinks I confessed

the depression was becoming harder to hide

as it was becoming that not much else was inside

You saw so

I let myself fall

to be the dream

we should have seen

now reality is abstract

watching my friends

be all these animals

that have turned on thou

yes, now the dogs growl

vultures nestle

wolfs hide and

eagles glide

I. always. run.

and turn side-on (wide)

have the wave drag

me with the rip tide

swim along the coast

towards the woman

who loves me most.


And that was her, my lady by the bar

she promised me a world of marionettes

She'll pull every string so i'll know what happens next

and her heart will be mine. so everything will be... fine.

as the woman leaned in to kiss, i told her this

I sincerely hope one day

you meet a guy

Who loves you

the way you love me

And I hope

that the two of you

will be happy

But smiling alone

has become a task

My love is something

you shouldn’t ask

after this life, during yours

when the wings come
I'll do something for you
In front those brown marbles I'll fly
beyond the reflection of your eye
above the towers and sky
past the moon n' sat-n' jupiter
I'll find a star out there that suits yer

should i forge that star
into a ring, if you want a
proclamation of love ting?
better yet lets keep it safe
and place it in a dream
there you'll have a guide
when riding that astral plane
forging better memories
from whence you came

The last poem

I know you said once, and thought about it

And if you did,
If you where to tattoo your wrists
Of all the things, you should tattoo this:
The loved one is.
Because Aimee, you are
If not by a, north Londoner
Then your mother and father
If not them, you got the princess
And if not Leah, then
Whoever has the honour
To call themselves
Your lover
Because the loved one is
And the loved one you are:
The lone wolf howling at the moon
Guided by the northern star
Showing up all those who regretted
Never taking it this far
Don’t keep that truth hid
And speak it to those
Who never knew or did, (Dig?)
If a world one wanted
Seemed too vast to start
Remember their expedition
Will keep such places apart
Removing home from the heart
Helps make your past only a part;
Giving your future useful tips
Like counting the ways
In which you are rich
(Light beneath the eyes, soft hands
Strong mind, true grit)
“And, like, man” if ever in doubt
Just…
Put these words to your lips:
The loved one I am,
(the loved one you are)
The loved one is-
Do you really need a tattoo
To remember this?
(Dig)

World circle 2.

LOVED
LOST
LEARNT
 
LOVED.
Every second of it
I've loved the looks that were given
the texts that were sent
the in jokes that were said
Only for me were they meant
Loved the beautiful face
That contained
the beautiful lips
And loved the beautiful lips
That contained
the beautiful smile
Loved her hips, arms, legs
And stomach
That contained
Her beautiful bile
The eyes were something to shout out about
The type of ones that don't hit you
but the ones that when looked
You can only fall into
Hours spent as
those eyes you search
And swim through
Loved.
Loved making love
Loving someone who loves you
You'll find it's the best thing you can do
Especially when you do it for a whole weekend.
the hair:
fair, long 'n' bronze
Light never bounced
But absorbed like a sponge
And was gently released
Through the glow that came from her skin
And always warmed me
No matter what condition I was in
Always funny
Awoke my grin
knew me well
Never overtly sexual
But always sexy
Not afraid to be adventurous
But always a lady
She was my honey my lady my coolest baby
Every song about love no matter how corny
Suddenly became a symphony
Gave me a feeling that this world was meant for me
Like we'd be together for an eternity
Yeah, this was the feeling. I knew it.
I had fallen in love.
How foolish a young man can be.
'Cos when I recognized
She no longer felt the same for me
I realized I couldn't fall for an eternity
Man I hit the ground hard
And I will be feeling that pain
Eternally
 
LOVED
LOST
LEARNT.
 
LOST
And what did I lose?
I lost it all.
 
LOVE
LOST
LEARNT
 
LEARNT.
I learnt to never trust red heads
Or women in general, at that.
I learnt you're not a man until
You're hurt by a woman.*
Learnt to conserve emotions
And conservatively converse
Making sure the truth never comes first
Strong barriers must be built up
So confidence can't get knocked down
Learnt why I see few are happy grown up
And in life you will always be let down.
Learnt that there's no point in trying
because if you tell yourself you're gonna be happy
You'll only be lying
Learnt that you'll probably
Be alone when dying
Aspiring means perspiring and why do that
When doing it for no one?
You're doing it for nothing.
 
Learnt
Learnt that women will be needed
But needing them for only one feeling
Is a lot better way of dealing
Someone hurt her
So she hurt me
So I hurt more
A viscous cycle of pain
That after Joining
I'm only happy to play the game
I assumed it was only natural
After all
Even the world
Turns in a circle
 
And time went by
And I stayed the same.
 
Learnt
On one particular day
When going to a girls
For a lay
She opened the door for me quick
And gave me a wide smile I never asked for
Wearing nice clothes I couldn't care for
She greeted me as if it was
Her personality I had come for
And looked at me as if
I was the one who had fair, long 'n' bronze hair
And she looked in my eyes as if
She was lost in them
As if when I wasn't looking
She had swum through them
And for the first time in a while I was reminded of
Myself, four years ago
And remembered, not the loss
But the love I had been through.
I held that girl tight that night.
 
Learnt
That if I had the chance to go through it all again I would
Because the bad times could never outweigh the good.
And yes, Though young love can often bring loss with it
Know in our heart of hearts we welcome it
As when it comes to ----
Any pain is worth it.
That's what I've learnt.

What she'll say to him.

I tip-toed up and that connection-
grabbing my hips, closer
never with another
have I felt so together
so when we released
I opened my eyes
Blinked twice
Couldn’t believe that I was here
With you
Couldn’t believe that it turns out
This is all I’ve ever wanted
Couldn’t believe I could ever be
Surprised again
And I said
“Okay, this is it now
I, like this status quo
I got you, you got me
From here on in, know
Without you, I refuse
To see tomorrow”

His eyes stretch open wide, where he had planned for years to find the right words she replied with something that, well, blew him away and that made him glad, because as each second passed both were beginning to understand this night was a time for things that are new. To tread down one less cloudy path. She leans in, her neck beautifully stretching out, her eyes closing but instead of a kiss he grabs her hugs her. Then holds her. Harder. But she holds on just as tight. After a good thirty seconds they relent., looking back at each other. It’s so serious neither of them can’t help but laugh. It's all so deep, it's all so daft. It's used to be so unexpected, until it happened.
The end.

What he'll say to her.

As I stared into the ocean

blue eyes of you I sensed

quiet, grass swaying

but no others moving-

an absence of people- Stillness.

So, I looked to my feet

and I looked to you

and made my promise

"All these stars

bear witness:

from here on in,

loving you, loving you

will be my business

and i shall make a fortune

a fortune in these hugs

and in these kisses.

These golden glowing green-olive

kisses."

He forgets what he says as soon as he says it but knows every word is true. While stepping closer, he moves the hair away from her face and it rests on the top of her ear. His hand slowly pulls back, stroking her cheek. Her eyes do not blink but slowly close as she tip. Toes. Up.

Baby it's cold outside.

I grow off words and feed off speeches
My brain doesn't house creativity
just prose-hungry leaches
Neil Young Neil Young Neil Young Neil Young
Where am I from where am I from? Bob Dylan Dylan
See this blonde hair
shinning underneath the swiss cottage underground light the light it stares
Pick this out Pick this out Pick this out
You who shouts me who stares she who listen's
See how that blonde hair glistens
the black mascarra doesn't highlight
It exaggerates because her eyes already show enough
They're, bright
Like a cowgirl in the sand
Like a ruby in the dust
Like the woman of my dreams
and the guitar solo inbetween
they speak
I wonder if she'll save me
I wish she'll make me feel alright
because while it's cold outside
If I can keep looking into those eyes
I'll be warm enough tonight.