Monday, 14 December 2009

say it right.

I drew a quick breath
as the rain hit my neck,
to shield short pain my collar was lifted
fact is my skin's always been a little sensitive.
and I thought: like feist- i feel it all
but like dizzee- i stand up tall
as if everything i see is apart of me
and I'm embodied in everybody
but then everyone moves in different ways
so much so i get to the point where
i can't find myself some days.
So yeah, i've been needing some help lately
don't yet leave I need to listen to someone other than jay-z,
telling others "I'm not depressed Just stressed"
not depressed just stressed.
to everything and all I've given my best
apart from myself. With that I need your help.
words hurt but not as much as fists do,
that's what i thought until i realized
i wasn't strong enough to say- I miss you.
"so, how's it going?"
"you alright?" "How am I?--- Okay"
although recently it's felt like
every word I've said to you I've
been saying the wrong way.
Like, if i could just, say it right.
Your hair was the lamp post.
You hair was a lamp post giving light
to a night almost lost
(hear what I'm saying)
of all the videogames I played donkey kong
country was the best. but that doesn't matter
because you're the coolest girl I ever met. No
as soon as the feel of life began to get me bored
you didn't so much reinvent the wheel
but give me a hoverboard
it's hip hop on an accordion
tin- pan blues with a heavy base
something that works though at first
you'd have though it was out of place
so how can you expect me to understand
and stand and watch you hold his hand?
I mean,
he does what he can
I do what i will
he says what they say
i say what i feel
he's keeping it real
While I'm trying to live a dream
for years i've been cooking a scheme
and i don't even know what that means
like we're some carbonara dream team
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
your relationship with him is respected, really
i really do accept it
I just don't understand why our friendship
has to feel so contraceptive?
as if we're not connected
acting like you never felt it
on that kilburn station underground night
when the rain and light hit your hair just right
and i suppose you've never been able to know
for when we kissed your eyes where closed
but me, i found it too hard to believe
so mine where open
trust me, in that moment, 
time moved in slow motion and
in each raindrop was our reflection
that's why I still have these emotions
two years by and I'm still haunted
by this beautiful past
and it's only when I'm looking back
this new future has hits me too fast
too hard are these two hearts to last
further than.. us? fuck.
hear what I'm saying
I'm not saying it right.
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
Hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
It's not about you me or him
it's about the loss of love at first sight
to the same thing
it wasn't about the fame
it was about hitting the stage
and no longer feeling the same old same
I'm not insane for saying this, right?
just understand, i don't need all this
to be up there, i would pause
every applause
and give back every clap
because when with you
I didn't have to act
and i don't even want it back
i know it sounds distorted
to want to go back to when
i wanted to go forward
because what was
still is and that's flawed
and you don't need to know this
but as i go on and ramble
as i always seem to do
i get closer
and i realize, I'm was saying it right.
I just... didn't want to say it.