Monday, 14 December 2009

say it right.

I drew a quick breath
as the rain hit my neck,
to shield short pain my collar was lifted
fact is my skin's always been a little sensitive.
and I thought: like feist- i feel it all
but like dizzee- i stand up tall
as if everything i see is apart of me
and I'm embodied in everybody
but then everyone moves in different ways
so much so i get to the point where
i can't find myself some days.
So yeah, i've been needing some help lately
don't yet leave I need to listen to someone other than jay-z,
telling others "I'm not depressed Just stressed"
not depressed just stressed.
to everything and all I've given my best
apart from myself. With that I need your help.
words hurt but not as much as fists do,
that's what i thought until i realized
i wasn't strong enough to say- I miss you.
"so, how's it going?"
"you alright?" "How am I?--- Okay"
although recently it's felt like
every word I've said to you I've
been saying the wrong way.
Like, if i could just, say it right.
Your hair was the lamp post.
You hair was a lamp post giving light
to a night almost lost
(hear what I'm saying)
of all the videogames I played donkey kong
country was the best. but that doesn't matter
because you're the coolest girl I ever met. No
as soon as the feel of life began to get me bored
you didn't so much reinvent the wheel
but give me a hoverboard
it's hip hop on an accordion
tin- pan blues with a heavy base
something that works though at first
you'd have though it was out of place
so how can you expect me to understand
and stand and watch you hold his hand?
I mean,
he does what he can
I do what i will
he says what they say
i say what i feel
he's keeping it real
While I'm trying to live a dream
for years i've been cooking a scheme
and i don't even know what that means
like we're some carbonara dream team
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
your relationship with him is respected, really
i really do accept it
I just don't understand why our friendship
has to feel so contraceptive?
as if we're not connected
acting like you never felt it
on that kilburn station underground night
when the rain and light hit your hair just right
and i suppose you've never been able to know
for when we kissed your eyes where closed
but me, i found it too hard to believe
so mine where open
trust me, in that moment, 
time moved in slow motion and
in each raindrop was our reflection
that's why I still have these emotions
two years by and I'm still haunted
by this beautiful past
and it's only when I'm looking back
this new future has hits me too fast
too hard are these two hearts to last
further than.. us? fuck.
hear what I'm saying
I'm not saying it right.
hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
Hear what I'm saying I'm not saying it right
It's not about you me or him
it's about the loss of love at first sight
to the same thing
it wasn't about the fame
it was about hitting the stage
and no longer feeling the same old same
I'm not insane for saying this, right?
just understand, i don't need all this
to be up there, i would pause
every applause
and give back every clap
because when with you
I didn't have to act
and i don't even want it back
i know it sounds distorted
to want to go back to when
i wanted to go forward
because what was
still is and that's flawed
and you don't need to know this
but as i go on and ramble
as i always seem to do
i get closer
and i realize, I'm was saying it right.
I just... didn't want to say it.

Friday, 11 December 2009

Showing my age.

some girls move one up and down
It's the best connection to get,
that's why i hate it when we
get moving up and down and she
doesn't look me in the eye.
an all too frequent effect when with
a girl that wants to see someone else
she fucks as a cry for help
it's not that I don't realize this but
I left the game for the same reason
she did not. to love with body parts
so you can silence the cry of a heart
no way will she ever be replaced
her mistakes are expressed on my face
a permanent scowl to remind lovers
we murder all things it's in out nature
staring into the reflection of my river:
My love is the very best.
the best you could find
my love is love refined
my love is love defined
a love that's never been mine
a love that is made only to save
a love that inspires adventure
a love that lets you rest for an age.
and now I say this every week
a pastor to my own sermon i preach
to not be the man who is a leach
so treasure what you got as I'm walking
without. a hand. to hold. and it's winter now
and I'm feeling cold. and i 1ook to the mirror
man I've gotten old.
            been nineteen for three years now,
Holding out for a woman that is perfection personified
two minutes of time can slide into a canyon of luxury,
bones breaking along the way, re-moulding into
something respectable; presentable.
Lets be bodies not be vegetables.
somebody's not forgettables
hurting many people in my own way.
hurting many people in my own way.
this is what i do now, play the role of a bad guy.
my whole life has been just a shade of grey
in a world where no one's good,
and no one is bad... is that true.
can anybody be-- all of one.
can anyone be all love. no.
only one can see all of love.
Believe in a, Love of you. it would be a
fine thing for sure but no, know
nothing beyond seventeen is pure.

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Back from America.

Dressed as a man who's kidding himself
T-shirt at night time
summertimes over
can't sleep so he walks the streets
like a loner
no ones in central london at this hour
but they left the lights on
and he walks till he's tired
a bus stop
drunken couple
he's passed out she's pissed off
so we talk
what else to do
she asks what but I'm waiting for
I say the twenty two
she says she is too
you think about chatting her up
fingers crossed her boyfriend doesn't wake up

Friday, 27 November 2009


if i could fuck at all
in that bedroom I
I can feel so small
while this is growing
in the back of my head
I draw a quick breath
as the rain hits my neck
to shield short pain my collar is lifted
the fact is my skins a little sensitive
like Feist- i feel it all
but like Dizzee- i stand up tall
as everything i see
is apart of me
mainly the london city
from hobbs to tuff and finsbury
all my writing does embody
everybody but... it's still me
view me by looking through me
see what i see, see if you'd do what i'd do
if you where in my shoes.
(Like you wouldn't wanna sing the blues)
so could you
give two heartbeats to a cricklewood crew
get off the heath but still have a kite hill view
lay beneath the world you want.
give your past no excuse to haunt

Sunday, 22 November 2009

A letter to myself? about two years ago now.

A couple of weeks ago (not really, but lets go with it) I was feeling pretty down. It was just a realization that me and this chick weren't gonna get together. It's not a big deal really. At the time though I was feeling pretty blue about it. Like i didn't want to do anything anymore. So, my friend, he's a good friend but not the brightest dude I know. he invites me out. Though he brings his girlfriend. They just love each other, it's really sweet. Sickeningly so. It was terrible. I was just watching these two be 'in love' in front of me. She even took out her camera and took pictures. Why do that? Some Abhu Grhraib shit right there. They wanted to set me up with their friend, she was also rather depressed about something. A Death in her family I think. I don't think they really thought that one through. Could you imagine? The only thing that would have come from that would be a bonafide suicide pact. I met her once before though, She was quite good looking, but she blacked herself up. Y'know what I mean? Gothic. I don't get that. It's an embrace of death right? I don't really like that. Not one for the embracing. I prefer the ignoring. It's a lot more polite. Why let someone know you're like that though? Vulnerable is what you become. You don't want to do that. If there is advice I could give you, it's don't open up to anyone. Maybe write it down, or one of those letters that you never send or something. But opening yourself will only make things worse. Because people will always let you down. No one is going to love you. No one is ever going to help you out of the whole you're in and no one can ever make you feel good. Live by that, and you'll never have to put yourself in someone's hands. Just love yourself. then, I don't know.
It's weird watching my friends beat myself up over stuff like that. Relationships I mean. I tell them I don't know what the real reason is, like I don't know why they go through it. I know though. I really do. They need that special someone that 'gets' them and stuff. Although I can't really do it. I'd fuck it up. Mainly because I'm lazy. I'm just a lazy guy and I think that would drag people down. I mean, I'm not that lazy, I have reasons for it as well. Maybe it's a cycle or something.  Should check into that.
Also, my friends are young, of course. Some of these relationships are so intense it's insane. I mean really. Where are they going? And some, I see, I know people are going to get hurt because nothing really last's forever. You hope it would. Maybe it's a joy to have those arguments. That would explain it.

or does it? Relationships end, but the people don't. It wouldn't be all that bad perhaps. I'm talking about those 'Ican'tleaveyoueverandwakemeupbeforeyougogo' ones.

Saturday, 21 November 2009


The school was grey
ice cream van was white
the pitch outside was red
we'd go there to fight
other than that there's not much more to say
six years at hampstead school was one long day
i stepped in english once to say- nothing.
no words came when asked to come in
tell the class some poems/lyrics you find interesting
i should have told all how foday was misunderstood
Think foday's no good
only gets by on dumb luck
i should have told them foday's smarter than all of us
because fodays the only one who learnt from the teachers
by learning how to not give a fuck
do the sheet, sit down, don't speak
get in, get out,  they don't expect much
so we accept we're not much, live to wait for lunch
I can never say i've met a teacher from that place
that perspires to aspire to inspire
and if they tell you different they're a liar
and if i tell you i cried there i'd be a liar
for i felt nothing, what heart could they break?
when there's no heart to take?
and she wonders why I'm numb
provoking an angry and ignorant reaction
"bitch you don't know where i've come from"
i sometimes forget the diference between guilt and regret
but i feel neither about pissing on that school the day i left
i only wish my cricklewood crew can spare two heartbeats
for the few dudes who tried to do good, but got beaten down
with old textbooks and suspicious looks.
that so solid crew album. asked for it for my birthday listened to it twice. knew all the lyrics. didn't even like it didn't even want it. i would have asked for something better if i knew what i wanted! (air force ones or jeans with holes)
so yeah give me spring i'd bloom like a flower
winter i'd be cool like the winter river
flowing under an icy exterior
summer i'd let the flames get me even hotter
but give me hampstead school
give me hampstead school
and the best i could give you
is a suicide bomber.
But it made it's mark, and at the very least
i went to hampstead
call me shit
i wont give a shit.

Friday, 20 November 2009

Brimstone ballet.

Kid lifts his head up
To the cloud bursting with water
A beautiful release showering the dirty cement
Absolving the bloody pavement
Then he laughs, realizing
After all these years
He still can’t tell the rain
From the tears

white guilt.

"for all my ------
all my real ------
if you ain't a -----
then get the fuck out!"

fiiiine then!

Monday, 9 November 2009

Come through (be true)

"That's nice"
leaving a once living room, blue shadow of what looks like a lie
the window was a magnifying glass and in the lens
was a truth i did not want to see but it was too big to avoid
I love the feeling of a dreamcast controller.
"Okay, I'll be watching Seinfeld"
the door was a door, but closing it was like a double door
y'know like some sorta metaphor
I've always wanted a dennis bergkamp arsenal shirt
That rustle of tightened bedsheets was louder than a plane
taking off, on a run way, convenient comparison.
I'll always want that shirt
One day I'll be more.

Baby steps.

Two pounds change
spent on chalk farm chicken
with varicose veins
the sky is dark blue
in the type of winter
you wade through
In my hand is a cold can
of mirinda, the poor mans
fanta, but i love orange soda.
The bus comes slightly ahead of me
so i sort of jog and quietly hide my fatigue
It's more of a rumble and my head rattles
on the window. The light blue bus going past
hampstead heath musics played from behind
my seat I'm writing about london clouds
then throw an evening standard away from me
the front cover was about the casualties of haiti.

Saturday, 7 November 2009

good shit from the vault 08

I can’t perform this poem
Unless I’m on a stage
And I refuse to appear in the paper
Unless I’ve made the front page
I wont make a splash
Until I’ve made the grade
Don’t watch me learn
Just wait till my persona is made
And when that time comes
Don’t be surprised if you see a different person
Don’t be scared
Don’t be afraid
Because money changes people
And I’ll be different when I get paid
Oh lord
let this money change me
Let the red fifty pound notes
Take hold over, 
Until I crinkle and fold
So when straightened out
I’ll be both the brave and the bold
Strong as knights from books of old
My presence will be felt around the world
And whenever I’m absent, you’ll be left cold
lets begin
take my eyes, nose, ears, teeth and chin
Take them all and throw them in the bin
And when you see a man with no face
Staring back at you
Don’t be scared
Don’t be afraid
Because if I want to make a living
This is what I have to do
And we will all be wealthy
And I’ll be saved. I’ll be saved.

Friday, 6 November 2009

to my second best friend

drowning my sorrows at a party, her hair
becomes a lamp post, shinning a light
on a night that was so close to being lost
the kid drunkenly walks towards.
"This guy is not a threat"
the club was big but not in V.I.P.
after-work actors do extra acting off-stage it seems
jumping off sofas, rolling on the ground
really, like you're that drunk.
"Actually he's right I'm very unthreatening"

and turned it into a cross between
the best and the worst moments of my life.
for weeks on end you where a friend
then for about a year i was pretty sure
I'd never see you again.
but there was a return.
and life was never the same
we tried for a relationship that wasn't
a relationship. It was rather ridiculous,
you can't tell someone you love them
fuck them then turn around and introduce them
as "just a friend". it was bound to end
and end badly and end badly it did.
with many tears but only from one side
it seemed the love you gave was a lie
for i never saw you care to try
looking back, maybe i tried hard
enough for the both of us.
i put the winter months behind me
and tried with you too
but being without a thunderbolt
was something Lightfoot just couldn't do
it seemed like, to you
I've never been needed
but, i've learnt a few things since i was nineteen
and one is that not all things are as they seem
i think... i think i help. And...
yeah. Keep yourself good. be good. Nah. Keep good.
how do i put this? how do i tell you-you
you're what i think of when i think something right.
you're the light at the end of the tunnel
the smile someone would come home for
the eyes that make a hard life worthwhile
It's never been about the money
It's been about doing what you love
and sharing success with the people you love
and how can i bless if you're not flying with me?
like, flying above?
Like, looking like a dove?
looking good.
Looking like we should
in short,
the more you there is the happier I'll be.
read them. reach out. you'll never be denied
I couldn't if i tried.

Thursday, 5 November 2009

She's close. I'm closer

to everyone
there's another one
and she's ust like the last one
it's ridiculous I know. To be the type who has a type
as i type i wonder if I've got this situation overhyped
but i fell in love with her writing before i fell in love with her
the type of script that was written over a heartbreak,
by one who thought flashy words where a good enough cover
in that world she only has to give a minute
the type of script that thought it could hide it.
my years as a fighter put me in good sted.
heart was a sled
white snow of sorrow.
glide till the end of tomorrow
She sounds and looks the same as my old girl but carries no baggage. so maybe i could manage. yeah, right. like im boyfriend material. I remember being clearly told... talking about feelings bringing me to the kitchen. and even when in the living room i didn't look at her as she drew on her wrists. throwing away each plea i did suggest. so as if. im not. That typeofguy. im a loner. im a loner. that doesn't mean im alo-... yes it does. that doesn't mean i can't enjoy it. that doesn't mean i cant get with someone else. i just have to up the game. more nights out, less looking at this new one. the new one. she's great, you'd like her.. she's good looking, funny and most importantly cutting. never had much of a sweet tooth me. it could work.
she's got a man, I've got something deep inside mocking every move I make, so every time she looks to me, I look away. before love, before, before i thought I had a chance I was charming. I actually remember her eyes. Deep dark green.  i never remember anyones eyes. Apart from The American. Why do the loves of before define the man I am now I could get her away from him. I could charm her away. into  an above chicken cottage life. what would i support her with? I got nothing. fuck. it's ridiculous. no chance.
I just want her. just so, i mean, she's so like the last one. it's so close to being perfect. I can get her. then get her to love me. and then... i can break her heart.
and i can finally be the winner. and watch her cry.
is that so much to ask?

Monday, 2 November 2009

i like your bits

click clack click clack
The sound of my cold walk home
after a chat
a man who didn't really converse
but talk
another night wasted now
how many now is that?
In the cold of the night
I find comfort in memories
when I'd laugh in a chat
dance in my flat. now...
click clack click clack.
I'm looking at the train track
Finsbury park station.
I'm looking at the track.
Thinking about how i'd look
laid out on that click
click. clack. click, clack.
The train will arrive
In two minutes time
and I've click clacked
past the yellow line.
such a stupid idea.
It'd really hurt and I'd definitely die
but the feeling of pain begins to appeal
to one who has forgotten how to feel
and the train is roaring towards me.
I haven't moved back
And the train is getting closer.
that dudes voice is in my head.
man he got me mad
is that how click i want clack to go out
because of him?
step back clack click man I'm thick.
the wind from the train
is like a slap in the face.
fucking idiot. That really would have hurt
i would have died!
click clack click clack.
the sound of my boots
walking home after a chat
Of course I wouldn't have
... killed myself
but i still cry a little
for thinking about it.
to fall like that,
and then get hit.
on how cool it would look.
if it was being filmed.
if, my life was a film.
Some sort of romance to the desperation
some sort of arc to the character
a third dimension
a story
an end.

Saturday, 31 October 2009

Friday, 23 October 2009

Lazy sunday two

My lazy sundays there are a few
Before the sun rises into these eyes
I spare a thought for when this bed contained two
When I got out of bed early for you
Since the day I've only had a pillow to hold on to
I remember the hungover states
Walking slowly to the cafe to put grease on our plates
trading glances through glasses
feeling full up and recovered we go back to the bed
not to sleep but love instead
slow motion kisses building to powerful movements
her held-breath-sigh turns into a belated cry

Truly on those lazy sundays I did the most
Now on these lazy sundays i find it hard to cope.
This bed is a cocoon. A womb. Behold a man reborn
call me lightfoot my name is no longer Sean.
Because I keep on moving no matter what
Because the world will be mine quick when i get the shot
Because no man can run faster from any situation
(even when not moving)
I left with the excuse "I'm a young man understand"
and i know it wasn't fair, how could you understand
when not even I could? Nowadays I hope you're happy
and your lazy sundays are filled with love, eggs and tea
at the same time... I pray to the lord for you miss me.
My lazy sundays where the best days.
but that happiness, to be real, was just a phase.

Thursday, 22 October 2009

Can my hand be held.

Out the pocket comes a palm full of hopes, lines carved defining the way he copes.
fancy watch on the wrist means doing better than feeling, the reaching hand gropes
honey to bee is a lovely way to describe her attraction, like something off the telly
his hand reaches out of a pocket that's sweaty. that's the pocket man not the palm
A jealous pocket has no lining it goes on forever. a home for one without a lover
a hand held out is the scariest thing ever a cold silence on the busiest street it is
goodbye prison, goodbye jacket, it's october and it's either gonna be real cold or...
and, sliding into first place in the life of this man comes this girl by a country mile
a connection that's perfect: gentle with a grip, a loving squeeze that brings a smile
science can't define love so don't expect any answers on how their hands fit like a glove.

Tuesday, 20 October 2009

Dinah Washington

laughter's heard as four thick-enough legs go running into the dark. Dinah sings a harmony.

Mad about the boy fingers are gripped onto flesh in the sea.

Dinah's always where Dinah'd be. This bitter earth in the morning with tea

Will it ever cloy? Keeping the walk home in between misery and joy

The tide goes out and four fingers and a thumb grip one arm. Swimming against a force...

Boiling water rises over while still hidden under Budden lyrics "Some people tell me my music is depressin' but best rapper in the world I was destined"

one head bops at six o'clock forgetting a job.

Dinah is where Dinah always was. It was just a case of remembering to search

A million raindrops fall against the suns dying ember. In september. In the rain.

A bad suit gangles to pour to-be PG tips for Dinah just to sip.

Four feet pitter patter to shore. Promise Dinah's where Dinah's always been.

Dinah is in the most romantic rain. When time goes into slow motion. On a hi fi when a relationship gets serious.

inside. quick breaths. Few tears. Laughter again. What a great bookend.

Dinah is where Dinah will always be, the Washington hope is Inside of me.

Thursday, 15 October 2009

Showing my age.

The Love of you is all any man could need.
I'm content with comics and video games
For I have never been a man
yet to crash land from where I am
'mmmore of a martian
some girls move one up and down
It's the best connection to get,
that's why i hate it when we
get moving up and down and she
doesn't look me in the eye.
an all too frequent effect when with
a girl that wants to see someone else
she fucks as a cry for help
it's not that I don't realize this but
I left the game for the same reason
she did not. to love with body parts
so you can silence the cry of a heart
no way will she ever be replaced
her mistakes are expressed on my face
a permanent scowl to remind lovers
we murder all things it's in out nature
so treasure what you got as I'm walking
without. a hand. to hold. and it's winter now
and I'm feeling cold. and i 1ook to the mirror
man I've gotten old.
it's like I've been nineteen for three years
hoping two minutes of time could slide
into a canyon of luxury, having my bones
broken along the way, re-moulding into
something respectable; presentable.
I'd re-emerge a body not a vegetable
a somebody, no longer forgettable.
figure out an easy thing to understand
When young i was a manchild
now old I have become a childman
I mean, a martian. I'm a martian.
the child searched the plains for fun
the man went along, hoping he'd run
into the love of one. that one day
he'd feel good, hoping soon the gist
of you, will be understood
While my martian self hovers above
studying the history of the enigma that's love
observing friends who are dreaming of
girls that don't break then fly like a dove
and guys that can't wait to give you a hug
or boyfriends who at least try a little harder
(can't connect to her friends for a convo)
she doesn't understand there's no point
in talking to people I don't want to know
and my girl does believe she's losing me
that's sad in a way as there is no way she
ever truly had me. Though she should.
we where cocooned on a summers night
the cure was playing on youtube as we cried
and it's a little sad. in a way. right?
can i give her everything i have in sight?
sure, my only posession is eye-light
What's a glow to a martian. I mean a child
no, a man. and I am.
That journey that was planned
will now begin.

Tuesday, 13 October 2009

My bow peeps

My girl looks a little like what i think
little bo-peep would look like, like
to begin with this skinny girls skin's
so thin it gets stretched on a grin
and her hair's fair for fair hair
so fair enough for her fan-fair
though she doesn't seem to care
I find in my mind it's quite a find
that i found this girl of mine
in hers she begs to differ deferring
to her room until she looks "better"
but it's never gotten better

I find her after
she stared in the mirror for hours
and began to break down
each feature on her face
until she finally broke down
there she is crying on the ground
naked broken mirror wearing a frown
I said damn girl we're late that ain't
an evening gown

what im trying to say is
she's my girl but always wasted
unable to face it that her face is
not what her brain has accepted
It's basically based on a personal
perception of yourself, and she's
breathing heavy and crying
I don't know how to help,
clueless on how to fight the loathing
I think my bo-peep was a sheep
in wolves clothing

little bo po

my little bo-beep
dresses as a wolf
but really is a sheep
with so many dudes
getting on the creep
what am I to do?
how can you say she
should belong to me?
my little bo-beep
does nothing but sneak

Friday, 9 October 2009

Trying so say

Suppose life isn’t a story 
and suppose life is just a collection 
of random moments. 
Aren’t these moments 
worth living for? 
what im trying to say is...
Aren’t those moments the things 
dreams are made of? 
Cherish them. Savor them. 
Happy memories, 
for our kind they don’t come often.

Get it get it

My eyebrows have never rested so low and my jaw has never been clenched so tight. I'm trying to cry but eyes only well-up. I keep on accidently nearly walking into traffic all the time because I forget to look. I'm like a fine wine I get better with age. So why wait two, or three years to have me? wait till I'm thirty or how about fifty then I'll be really great. Just wait for me to be a success and then jump on. I'll climb this mountain alone and when I get to the top you just ask for a lift up. I'm so fucking weak I may even do it. Sometimes I leave you to go on walks If you looked, statistically, at how you've treated me, I'm surprised I've taken so much. Now I can't even be happy. I can't even fight for your love like I used to. Because I genuinely believe you don't love me. You are no longer attracted to me because if I even try to, to even suggest something more (how dare I) you roll your eyes and just say you'll go. Then, fine. I mean you know what if I'm that hideous..... not since school... have i felt so ugly... and I don't believe you'll fight for me. For my love. If I was gone the next day I don't think I'd really be missed. I know it would be significant but hey you'd find another place. This isn't hyperbowl. It's not that you can't deal with me you just can't be bothered. Why try to make someone happy? You've never owed anything to anyone. Every day I'm pushed away a little more. And yeah, I don't know what I'm asking for, but you do. And you don't think I'm up for it? For god sake you've never been alone like have. So you can't see my views and you can't take a chance on me because I'm, an embarrassment. Well you're losing me. Keep treating me like this, keep telling me I'm too young yet we talk like best friends? How does it go two ways? I have no one to talk to about this. No, not like that. No one to confess to. My confidant is the source of all my problems. We aren't riders though. I can't pull you through if you don't want my hand. Or if you only want my hand when it suits you. You have to take me when I'm foolish. and stupid. That will never go. And even if it did, I'll remember this, when you wouldn't take me for who I was, when I wasn't good enough for you and I'll think twice before every time you call for me, whether it's a good idea or not. What does it all boil down to?

Thursday, 8 October 2009

around the world

i lived your worst fear
when i arrived,
but was not near
to you
to you

have you gone and strayed
she asked
if i'd changed
i said it's true
to you

to you
my apologies are real
I love another,
and no longer feel
for you
for you

now my heart is seasoned
across the world
the loss was lessened
I'm new
for who
for who?

Wednesday, 7 October 2009

Jade Bruce: Improvised.

Hey! You alright mate? How ya doing?

Oh hi, are you-

Alec, yeah I’m your new helper. I’m looking after you for this week

Ok great. Nice to meet you

Nice one. oh man, so you haven’t shit yourself have you?


Haven’t shit your… panties? ‘cos it kinda smells in here-You got a dog? You haven’t got a dog have you.


Wow this is nice house. A big place, man. |How’d you get it? I mean It’s not like you can walk or anything. man must have done some crazy shit, crazy sick shit. Cool cool. Oh my, is that halo-3?

Yeah, it’s great

 I can’t believe old men like you play halo. My mates got this game I heard it’s shit bruv.

Its all right, I mean-

He clocked it in like three hours on legendary mode.

Really? I don’t think that’s even-

Can I play some? Standard.  Like one level

Um not now im actually quite far from a checkpoint and, I don’t know…

One level, man. I won’t die man seriously man trust me. Trust me. Don’t be some flopped out breh

Thomas grudgingly hands over the controller

Sick to the yishin!

After some shouting at the screen from Alec, he eventually dies

Oh. This game is shit bruv. This game is kinda shit y’know? Shit. Mind if I borrow it?

What? No

I’ll bring it back tomorrow, c’mon- two days. you know me, well you don’t know me yet, but you will. In time.


Safe mate saaafe. Wheres the case? Aah fuck it ill just put it in my pocket

Alec forces the disc into his pocket, a snap is heard. Pause.

Is that a rolex?

No its-its

It IS a rolex. It IS! Lets try.

Oh god. No! what are you doing? get off!

A wrestle ensues as Alec fights Thomas for the Rolex, this results in Alec being pushed off his chair

Oh mate are you all right? Shit. Man, thanks for the rolex though, ill just wear it for a couple of-looks at watch-oh my is that the time? Ive got to go get some girls, y’know girls with curls but oh. Oh come now, don’t look at me like that. Oh come on now. Come-oh  don’t give me that look. Im trying to help you and your just being a chief. Big time. Big time chief. Ok let me help you back come on old man.

Alec barely tries to lift Thomas

Wow you’re a heavy fucker aren’t you! Listen I’ll move you back on Wednesday yeah? Yeah? Safe oh and I’ll be back to take that tv to cash converters, get some cash bruv, Arab monay! you know how we do! Yeah.

Alec leaves
End Sketch