Friday, 9 October 2009

Get it get it

My eyebrows have never rested so low and my jaw has never been clenched so tight. I'm trying to cry but eyes only well-up. I keep on accidently nearly walking into traffic all the time because I forget to look. I'm like a fine wine I get better with age. So why wait two, or three years to have me? wait till I'm thirty or how about fifty then I'll be really great. Just wait for me to be a success and then jump on. I'll climb this mountain alone and when I get to the top you just ask for a lift up. I'm so fucking weak I may even do it. Sometimes I leave you to go on walks If you looked, statistically, at how you've treated me, I'm surprised I've taken so much. Now I can't even be happy. I can't even fight for your love like I used to. Because I genuinely believe you don't love me. You are no longer attracted to me because if I even try to, to even suggest something more (how dare I) you roll your eyes and just say you'll go. Then, fine. I mean you know what if I'm that hideous..... not since school... have i felt so ugly... and I don't believe you'll fight for me. For my love. If I was gone the next day I don't think I'd really be missed. I know it would be significant but hey you'd find another place. This isn't hyperbowl. It's not that you can't deal with me you just can't be bothered. Why try to make someone happy? You've never owed anything to anyone. Every day I'm pushed away a little more. And yeah, I don't know what I'm asking for, but you do. And you don't think I'm up for it? For god sake you've never been alone like have. So you can't see my views and you can't take a chance on me because I'm, an embarrassment. Well you're losing me. Keep treating me like this, keep telling me I'm too young yet we talk like best friends? How does it go two ways? I have no one to talk to about this. No, not like that. No one to confess to. My confidant is the source of all my problems. We aren't riders though. I can't pull you through if you don't want my hand. Or if you only want my hand when it suits you. You have to take me when I'm foolish. and stupid. That will never go. And even if it did, I'll remember this, when you wouldn't take me for who I was, when I wasn't good enough for you and I'll think twice before every time you call for me, whether it's a good idea or not. What does it all boil down to?