Wednesday 7 October 2009

Jade Bruce: Improvised.


Alec
Hey! You alright mate? How ya doing?

Thomas
Oh hi, are you-

Alec
Alec, yeah I’m your new helper. I’m looking after you for this week

Thomas
Ok great. Nice to meet you

Alec
Nice one. oh man, so you haven’t shit yourself have you?

Thomas
What?

Alec
Haven’t shit your… panties? ‘cos it kinda smells in here-You got a dog? You haven’t got a dog have you.

Thomas
No

Alec
Wow this is nice house. A big place, man. |How’d you get it? I mean It’s not like you can walk or anything. man must have done some crazy shit, crazy sick shit. Cool cool. Oh my, is that halo-3?

Thomas
Yeah, it’s great

Alec
 I can’t believe old men like you play halo. My mates got this game I heard it’s shit bruv.

Thomas
Its all right, I mean-

Alec
He clocked it in like three hours on legendary mode.

Thomas
Really? I don’t think that’s even-


Alec
Can I play some? Standard.  Like one level

Thomas
Um not now im actually quite far from a checkpoint and, I don’t know…

Alec
One level, man. I won’t die man seriously man trust me. Trust me. Don’t be some flopped out breh

Thomas grudgingly hands over the controller

Sick to the yishin!

After some shouting at the screen from Alec, he eventually dies

Alec
Oh. This game is shit bruv. This game is kinda shit y’know? Shit. Mind if I borrow it?

Thomas
What? No

Alec
I’ll bring it back tomorrow, c’mon- two days. you know me, well you don’t know me yet, but you will. In time.

Thomas
I-

Alec
Safe mate saaafe. Wheres the case? Aah fuck it ill just put it in my pocket

Alec forces the disc into his pocket, a snap is heard. Pause.

Is that a rolex?

Thomas
No its-its

Alec
It IS a rolex. It IS! Lets try.

Thomas
Oh god. No! what are you doing? get off!

A wrestle ensues as Alec fights Thomas for the Rolex, this results in Alec being pushed off his chair

Alec
Oh mate are you all right? Shit. Man, thanks for the rolex though, ill just wear it for a couple of-looks at watch-oh my is that the time? Ive got to go get some girls, y’know girls with curls but oh. Oh come now, don’t look at me like that. Oh come on now. Come-oh  don’t give me that look. Im trying to help you and your just being a chief. Big time. Big time chief. Ok let me help you back come on old man.

Alec barely tries to lift Thomas

Wow you’re a heavy fucker aren’t you! Listen I’ll move you back on Wednesday yeah? Yeah? Safe oh and I’ll be back to take that tv to cash converters, get some cash bruv, Arab monay! you know how we do! Yeah.

Alec leaves
End Sketch