Fingers to Diva (reply)

hold. the fuck. up.
no. no. no.
no you don't get to do that.
you don't get to fuck the friendship
because you didn't get to fuck me.

I"m not stupid Diva. I mean. I am.
I know I am and have been hiding under
a cloak made of bad poetry and interpretative dance
for some time now but,
I always thought you saw through that
and i thought you crawled under
and took out a torch for us to tell stories.

I thought for that, you made me feel like a kid.
I don't think to much, but of course, i do think a lot of you.
I think, I, thought, you were, there for me.
like, I could talk to you about anything
and it'd be okay and i could rest my head on you
and you'd think nothing of it because
you're smarter than i am and would always do better than me
i didn't think you'd be dumb enough to fall in love with me.

but you did. and now you've come to this realisation that,
guess what, I'm a prick, well go and fuck woods again
and join the club and become the number one fan
when I have never touched, kissed you or led you on.
I'm a dick that never got hard for you,
and if you told me. If I knew. it'd already be too late.
see,

Last night
in a tent,
in the outside,
at night,
I slept with a girl.
it was my first time
with someone. ever.
She didn't know I was a virgin.
and she didn't have to,
but i wanted you to,
I wanted to get if off my chest
for so long to tell you because i tell you
everything about me but it seems
everything about me is unhealthy so
fuck it now you know and great
tell me I'm a cunt again diva please
get on that high ground and tell me again
how I'm fake, how I'm nothing
and I will smile and nod because I know.
but what really hurts me beyond the rejection
is that I thought you always knew and,
I thought you didn't mind.
I honestly thought you talked to me
because I was just, nice.