My name is Sean Mahoney and
I'll be playing the part of a stand-up
stepped-on guy who loses his mind
every time he follows his heart.
Yet to understand he'll never figure
out how love works and every
analysis results in him feeling worse.
Recently I haven't been happy with
whatever I've tried to write.
It's like my head is bobbing above life.
And I'm too scared to dive
as if I can't do it twice.
But it's not twice. It's still once.
I can't pretend I'm removed when
I still fall in love with women like you.
It's a subject I don't like to touch
because if I really delve it'll only prove
that I'm only really in love with
So you're not a woman I'd like to write about
but live with,
but I find it so hard to tell women I like them
Picking up art forms, while real men walk in
Free write brimstone ballet blogpost bullshit
As i see you walk off with him
I'm so scared of falling in love again
It's only good for my pen
I dived in before learning how to swim
Now instead of acting like i've learnt something
I'm watching myself do the exact same things
and its not even entertaining and it pains me
to hide myself when around the one woman i trust
I wish i could tell you, to your face, you're all i want.
But. I can't.
Maybe you're no the right one or
I've just been far too gone for far too long
but every time i'm close to atonement I
freeze in the moment.
Try to freeze the moment.
I can't hold it I try to control it as if it
should be altered but we'll never move forward
if i keep being so fucking awkward.
and now you really have walked off
and now I'm too far down to swim
the bottom of the ocean
blinded from the regret of ruining the moment.
crushed from the pressure that comes from
a pride too big to admit humiliation.
The loss of a woman
the failure to convince a
commitment to the connection you
had with a loved one.
I'm picking up the pieces again.
too far gone for a friend
at loss for an end
grab the first promise at hand
I promise to never do this again
Don't risk don't give still live just resist
the feeling you get that makes you think
in two months you'll be writing something
I don't know if I can do it.
end of the day, I'm a gamblers kid
lower i get the more i think i'll win big
just one more kiss and I'll be wanted
only, less damaged can take the pain
but not the nothing, not here for penance
just give me something. something to
hold on to. I try so hard
to not let my insecurities get in the way
of loving you.
Truth is you're not as into me as
I am into you.