A better poet, more organised, more focused, on time, a good
partner, I wish I was capable of enjoying what I had. Better with you. I
wish I could do more for you. You're the only appointment I'm on time
for. I wish I could meet someone who didn't talk down to me or could go a
day without making jokes at my expense, meet someone who wouldn't
immediately ask for a joke or a Poem after telling them I do that. To
have more in my life besides comedy poetry and one night stands, someone
who I'll see wearing my hoodie and tracksuit bottoms after working at
the odeon. Going with a good thing that doesn't get ruined by
bullshit complications, not going through life wanting to recreate
moments but to be someone that makes new ones. A better liar with a
stronger guard who was able to play games instead of blindly run to or
from women he genuinely likes, falling over either way, humiliated
either way. Pride grazed. Not waiting here for half an hour writing this
depressing bullshit. On a date with Lauren. enough with dates. So many
dates. Fuck. So many ways to get over rejection I choose the most
pleasurable and most harmful. I'm more of a whore
than I ever was. No one can tell. No one thinks to ask. I like it like
that, allows me to not feel bad and act like I'm not like that, but it
hurts. Of course it does and and and you've got to keep moving, away from me please. I treat women like my gigs; do
the best you can in fifteen to twenty minutes, hope you get booked back
and you're recommended to friends- and that there's always something
better out there. Doesn't mean you can appreciate the moment when it
comes, just sucks when the best venues no longer book you, go a new
route and when you pop in it's so unusual. The world goes on like it
never needed you.
More than a comedian, the best comedian. less a figure, more a person
