Friday, 19 October 2012


If I was her when I met me I'd handle that nineteen year old with care.
I'd keep in contact as much as possible, I'd try to take him to new places
Meet my friends, show him his talents. I wouldn't want to alienate him
when drinking and pretending to fit in while he watches me be different.
Different to how I was when we first met. I'd want him to remind me of who I was.
I'd want him to inspire me as much I hopefully do him. And when I read beautiful words.
Words about me. Seeing me in a light I don't believe I deserve to be in.
I'll tell him how beautiful each one is while walking that tightrope thin line
between telling him how special he is while not leading him on.
I'd spend more alone time with him, trusting that, although he loves me,
He respects the fact that I don't feel the same way- that I'm too self obsessed
and focused on success to give anyone any spare space in my head.
I wouldn't kiss him, I'd probably come close by accident
but wouldn't give into my weakness. It'd be too much for him.
We'd talk about music, I'd give him the names of bands that'll change his life like they did mine.
He could do whatever he wanted with my name, put it on social networking sites
give me a new one. I'd smile at thunderbolt. I'd tell him I loved him and
regret it because I didn't mean it like that I I
I wouldn't leave him alone so suddenly. I wouldn't cut him off
in such a way that'd have him scarred for the rest of my life. His life.
and have pictures of my new dude on facebook. I
wouldn't ignore him for the sake of another man's insecurity.

I'd want to love him the way he loves me. I'd really want to.
But I wouldn't be able to. I'm twenty something and too far gone.
Pretending to be a grown up and impressing peers that don't have half my heart
and I'd make sure you know that no one has have half your talent.
You're really fucking special. You need to know that I love you in a way
that hurts me too because I know the love I have for you isn't the one you want
and anything other than what you want is seen as a rejection but it's not.
I'd like to see you and be open again. For you to see what's within
I'm too broken right now for kisses for anyone I want to know forever though.
I want to know you for forever though.

If i was her I'd still want to know him. I'd want to keep in check.
See if he's ready to be friends yet.

If I was in this position, I'd hope he'd understand.