Can't I rise with the sun

Why am I living for moments that never come?

am i giving too much away?

Yes.
Always.
Stop
now.

Lazy sunday two

My lazy sundays there are a few
Before the sun rises into these eyes
I spare a thought for when this bed contained two
When I got out of bed early for you
Since the day I've only had a pillow to hold on to
I remember the hungover states
Walking slowly to the cafe to put grease on our plates
trading glances through glasses
feeling full up and recovered we go back to the bed
not to sleep but love instead
slow motion kisses building to powerful movements
her held-breath-sigh turns into a belated cry

Truly on those lazy sundays I did the most
Now on these lazy sundays i find it hard to cope.
This bed is a cocoon. A womb. Behold a man reborn
call me lightfoot my name is no longer Sean.
Because I keep on moving no matter what
Because the world will be mine quick when i get the shot
Because no man can run faster from any situation
(even when not moving)
I left with the excuse "I'm a young man understand"
and i know it wasn't fair, how could you understand
when not even I could? Nowadays I hope you're happy
and your lazy sundays are filled with love, eggs and tea
at the same time... I pray to the lord for you miss me.
My lazy sundays where the best days.
but that happiness, to be real, was just a phase.

Can my hand be held.

Out the pocket comes a palm full of hopes, lines carved defining the way he copes.

fancy watch on the wrist means doing better than feeling, the reaching hand gropes

honey to bee is a lovely way to describe her attraction, like something off the telly

his hand reaches out of a pocket that's sweaty. that's the pocket man not the palm

A jealous pocket has no lining it goes on forever. a home for one without a lover

a hand held out is the scariest thing ever a cold silence on the busiest street it is

goodbye prison, goodbye jacket, it's october and it's either gonna be real cold or...

and, sliding into first place in the life of this man comes this girl by a country mile

a connection that's perfect: gentle with a grip, a loving squeeze that brings a smile

science can't define love so don't expect any answers on how their hands fit like a glove.

Dinah Washington

laughter's heard as four thick-enough legs go running into the dark. Dinah sings a harmony.

Mad about the boy fingers are gripped onto flesh in the sea.

Dinah's always where Dinah'd be. This bitter earth in the morning with tea

Will it ever cloy? Keeping the walk home in between misery and joy

The tide goes out and four fingers and a thumb grip one arm. Swimming against a force...

Boiling water rises over while still hidden under Budden lyrics "Some people tell me my music is depressin' but best rapper in the world I was destined"

one head bops at six o'clock forgetting a job.

Dinah is where Dinah always was. It was just a case of remembering to search

A million raindrops fall against the suns dying ember. In september. In the rain.

A bad suit gangles to pour to-be PG tips for Dinah just to sip.

Four feet pitter patter to shore. Promise Dinah's where Dinah's always been.

Dinah is in the most romantic rain. When time goes into slow motion. On a hi fi when a relationship gets serious.

inside. quick breaths. Few tears. Laughter again. What a great bookend.

Dinah is where Dinah will always be, the Washington hope is Inside of me.

Showing my age.

The Love of you is all any man could need.

I'm content with comics and video games
For I have never been a man
yet to crash land from where I am
'mmmore of a martian

some girls move one up and down

It's the best connection to get,
that's why i hate it when we
get moving up and down and she

doesn't look me in the eye.
an all too frequent effect when with
a girl that wants to see someone else
she fucks as a cry for help
it's not that I don't realize this but
I left the game for the same reason
she did not. to love with body parts
so you can silence the cry of a heart
no way will she ever be replaced
her mistakes are expressed on my face
a permanent scowl to remind lovers
we murder all things it's in out nature
so treasure what you got as I'm walking
without. a hand. to hold. and it's winter now
and I'm feeling cold. and i 1ook to the mirror
man I've gotten old.
it's like I've been nineteen for three years
hoping two minutes of time could slide
into a canyon of luxury, having my bones
broken along the way, re-moulding into

something respectable; presentable.

I'd re-emerge a body not a vegetable
a somebody, no longer forgettable.

figure out an easy thing to understand

When young i was a manchild

now old I have become a childman
I mean, a martian. I'm a martian.
the child searched the plains for fun
the man went along, hoping he'd run
into the love of one. that one day
he'd feel good, hoping soon the gist
of you, will be understood
While my martian self hovers above
studying the history of the enigma that's love
observing friends who are dreaming of
girls that don't break then fly like a dove
and guys that can't wait to give you a hug
or boyfriends who at least try a little harder
(can't connect to her friends for a convo)
she doesn't understand there's no point
in talking to people I don't want to know
and my girl does believe she's losing me
that's sad in a way as there is no way she
ever truly had me. Though she should.
we where cocooned on a summers night
the cure was playing on youtube as we cried
and it's a little sad. in a way. right?
can i give her everything i have in sight?
sure, my only posession is eye-light
What's a glow to a martian. I mean a child
no, a man. and I am.
That journey that was planned
will now begin.

My bow peeps

My girl looks a little like what i think
little bo-peep would look like, like
to begin with this skinny girls skin's
so thin it gets stretched on a grin
and her hair's fair for fair hair
so fair enough for her fan-fair
though she doesn't seem to care

I find in my mind it's quite a find
that i found this girl of mine

in hers she begs to differ deferring
to her room until she looks "better"
but it's never gotten better

I find her after
she stared in the mirror for hours
and began to break down
each feature on her face
until she finally broke down
there she is crying on the ground
naked broken mirror wearing a frown
I said damn girl we're late that ain't
an evening gown

what im trying to say is

she's my girl but always wasted

unable to face it that her face is

not what her brain has accepted
It's basically based on a personal
perception of yourself, and she's
breathing heavy and crying
I don't know how to help,
clueless on how to fight the loathing
I think my bo-peep was a sheep
in wolves clothing

little bo po

my little bo-beep
dresses as a wolf
but really is a sheep
with so many dudes
getting on the creep
what am I to do?
how can you say she
should belong to me?
my little bo-beep
does nothing but sneak

Trying so say

Suppose life isn’t a story 
and suppose life is just a collection 
of random moments. 
Aren’t these moments 
worth living for? 
what im trying to say is...
Aren’t those moments the things 
dreams are made of? 
Cherish them. Savor them. 
Happy memories, 
for our kind they don’t come often.

Get it get it

My eyebrows have never rested so low and my jaw has never been clenched so tight. I'm trying to cry but eyes only well-up. I keep on accidently nearly walking into traffic all the time because I forget to look. I'm like a fine wine I get better with age. So why wait two, or three years to have me? wait till I'm thirty or how about fifty then I'll be really great. Just wait for me to be a success and then jump on. I'll climb this mountain alone and when I get to the top you just ask for a lift up. I'm so fucking weak I may even do it. Sometimes I leave you to go on walks If you looked, statistically, at how you've treated me, I'm surprised I've taken so much. Now I can't even be happy. I can't even fight for your love like I used to. Because I genuinely believe you don't love me. You are no longer attracted to me because if I even try to, to even suggest something more (how dare I) you roll your eyes and just say you'll go. Then, fine. I mean you know what if I'm that hideous..... not since school... have i felt so ugly... and I don't believe you'll fight for me. For my love. If I was gone the next day I don't think I'd really be missed. I know it would be significant but hey you'd find another place. This isn't hyperbowl. It's not that you can't deal with me you just can't be bothered. Why try to make someone happy? You've never owed anything to anyone. Every day I'm pushed away a little more. And yeah, I don't know what I'm asking for, but you do. And you don't think I'm up for it? For god sake you've never been alone like have. So you can't see my views and you can't take a chance on me because I'm, an embarrassment. Well you're losing me. Keep treating me like this, keep telling me I'm too young yet we talk like best friends? How does it go two ways? I have no one to talk to about this. No, not like that. No one to confess to. My confidant is the source of all my problems. We aren't riders though. I can't pull you through if you don't want my hand. Or if you only want my hand when it suits you. You have to take me when I'm foolish. and stupid. That will never go. And even if it did, I'll remember this, when you wouldn't take me for who I was, when I wasn't good enough for you and I'll think twice before every time you call for me, whether it's a good idea or not. What does it all boil down to?

around the world

i lived your worst fear

when i arrived,

but was not near

to you

to you

have you gone and strayed
she asked
if i'd changed
i said it's true
to you

to you
my apologies are real
I love another,
and no longer feel
for you
for you

now my heart is seasoned
across the world
the loss was lessened
I'm new
for who
for who?

Jade Bruce: Improvised.

Alec

Hey! You alright mate? How ya doing?

Thomas

Oh hi, are you-

Alec

Alec, yeah I’m your new helper. I’m looking after you for this week

Thomas

Ok great. Nice to meet you

Alec

Nice one. oh man, so you haven’t shit yourself have you?

Thomas

What?

Alec

Haven’t shit your… panties? ‘cos it kinda smells in here-You got a dog? You haven’t got a dog have you.

Thomas

No

Alec

Wow this is nice house. A big place, man. |How’d you get it? I mean It’s not like you can walk or anything. man must have done some crazy shit, crazy sick shit. Cool cool. Oh my, is that halo-3?

Thomas

Yeah, it’s great

Alec

 I can’t believe old men like you play halo. My mates got this game I heard it’s shit bruv.

Thomas

Its all right, I mean-

Alec

He clocked it in like three hours on legendary mode.

Thomas

Really? I don’t think that’s even-

Alec

Can I play some? Standard.  Like one level

Thomas

Um not now im actually quite far from a checkpoint and, I don’t know…

Alec

One level, man. I won’t die man seriously man trust me. Trust me. Don’t be some flopped out breh

Thomas grudgingly hands over the controller

Sick to the yishin!

After some shouting at the screen from Alec, he eventually dies

Alec

Oh. This game is shit bruv. This game is kinda shit y’know? Shit. Mind if I borrow it?

Thomas

What? No

Alec

I’ll bring it back tomorrow, c’mon- two days. you know me, well you don’t know me yet, but you will. In time.

Thomas

I-

Alec

Safe mate saaafe. Wheres the case? Aah fuck it ill just put it in my pocket

Alec forces the disc into his pocket, a snap is heard. Pause.

Is that a rolex?

Thomas

No its-its

Alec

It IS a rolex. It IS! Lets try.

Thomas

Oh god. No! what are you doing? get off!

A wrestle ensues as Alec fights Thomas for the Rolex, this results in Alec being pushed off his chair

Alec

Oh mate are you all right? Shit. Man, thanks for the rolex though, ill just wear it for a couple of-looks at watch-oh my is that the time? Ive got to go get some girls, y’know girls with curls but oh. Oh come now, don’t look at me like that. Oh come on now. Come-oh  don’t give me that look. Im trying to help you and your just being a chief. Big time. Big time chief. Ok let me help you back come on old man.

Alec barely tries to lift Thomas

Wow you’re a heavy fucker aren’t you! Listen I’ll move you back on Wednesday yeah? Yeah? Safe oh and I’ll be back to take that tv to cash converters, get some cash bruv, Arab monay! you know how we do! Yeah.

Alec leaves

End Sketch

Hip Hop.

Sixteen bars can make a listener wanna go far

like their lives are a modern day folk lore the truest underdogs

there ever where,

personally all that self promotion of hip-hop

has always been a sort of godsend to me, 

Crossing lines.

somedays i don't know when the story ends and the life begins

ever since schooldays where i did joke sketches of my friends

writing my world and all in it has always been something i did

little did i know that alienation would be the price i'd have to pay

i-- even on this. An explanation...

to creative people. answer me, at what point do real people come first?

and when do your characters become realer than your friends?

maybe this poet is beginning to break down, after three months of flying

i've just crashed back on the same fucking island i flew away from

to the subject at hand.

(please stop making everything rhyme, if you can)

wait- uh- damn.

when can everything stop being material and start being real?

i don't ask for much, i just want to stop thinking and start to FEEL.

put that in caps. for effect.

heh

damn i need a drink. STIFF drink!

How it usually goes.

you see
you meet
you talk

get smitten

make jokes

make out

make love

again

and again

and again

you go out

stay in

visit friends

together

hold hands

get drunk

get hungover

get breakfast

together

you think

you are

in deep

into her

in love

you call

no reply

get worried

try harder
try something
else
try something
new

make it work
but
no love
no smiles
just
boredom
no connect
connect
connect
connection
now slipping

cling on

other half

lets go

you should

let go

heartbroken

move on

can't
half a person
dance
can't

fuck another

doesn't matter

move on

can't

all music

sucks

move on
no
move on
no
move on

no

no

no

one day

walking

the sun

is out

your ipod

is great

you feel

so good

and now

move on

already

you have.

Sunset in Tuscany '08

The day leaves us

And it makes one hell of an exit

Where the sun is a distant heartbeat

Final breathes of light pouring 

The last of its lifeblood into the sky

Clouds are impaled and rest and roll over

The misty green mountaintops

Other clouds have been rolled flat

Made thinner by each passing second

Moments of time taking a memento of the day

Holding onto the backdrop of a painted sky 

That could only ever be watched

Never to be touched

Because to watch is to admire, to love

And to touch is to feel, to hold and to take

To own and overpower

I do not wish to do so

I only stand

Stand and see that

Although I have traveled here,

The sky waited for my presence

A symbol

Or a thought

Or a calling

It's something
I may one day be

Something that I can't hold

But can take with me.

eighty one.

Never have i thought of these scribbles as poems

to me, they've always been sort of confessions

the thoughts i was too scared to say to my aimee

the feelings i was afraid to feel, and if i put it down

i could pretend they weren't real, just entertainment

but to all my friends, to my mum and dad

who read these things and may think im sad

please believe it's simply the outlet for a darker side.

ah,

most of the time we'll crack a joke 

but rest assured every man has once been a sad bloke.