The brimstone ballet

Every morning, before my tea, I shed a few tears
daybreak: cold and bright as the bathroom light
staring into the sink, searching in vain for lost years
daybreak: blinding harsh coldness pours from the sky
The window view confirms I'll have to face these fears
a desolate london street, --- ----- ---- --- ------
shower burns, razor cuts, must. Think. Clear.

Step into the outside, turn up young, let him play
the world is grainy, falling lines seeing all in cctv
If there were six-guns at my waist I could face the day
Leave the country, wont escape your thoughts
Got to step up son, wakings the first test of many
While the ones I love, get hurt and go astray

I bob and weave the pedestrians coming my way

I tap my feet, nod my head, to the brimstone ballet.

Tell me it gets better.

My friend,
Tell me it gets better
Promise the rain will fall no further
That the grass will grow greener
The kitchen will become cleaner
That this heart will flutter
At the sound of your laughter

And don’t you make a promise you cannot keep
For too many lies have kept me from sleep.

My lost one,
Hold me a little closer
Caress like we are two together
Just until I can recover,
Just until the day of forever
Hold tight like you thought you’d never
Kissing in the manner of a one true lover

And if it is truly impossible to hold me right
I will simply lay alone on another sleepless night

My Lord,
Let the sun become symbolic
So darkness may learn from it
And the largest trees may grow vines upon them
So I can climb to the skies
And at the highest of the highs
Spread my wings like an eagle when she flies

And if the true purpose of the sun is to burn
Then I’ll turn to shade ready for another lesson to learn.

What's inside

When the moon falls to the bottom of the sky
And the plants reach feathered clouds
My headed thoughts of pillows
Filled with black haired widows ugly
Blonde monsters at least ultimate warriors
Un-starved vultures to be the prettiest
Of all.
When my mind can comprehend
A helping hand cannot repent I shall
Breathe sea air. Jump from the rocks into despair
Hoping for a woman, longing for a friend
Begging for a sibling to hear my to hear my
Cry for a little more time. 
A day to get my shit
Together so I can weather the storm that is life
Because whatever thunder does,
If it is not for my advantage it will hurt
Hits not through but just in
like a slow bullet shot from
an old gun at the hands of a
classic cowboy wearing tattered rags
Worn out shoes; moccas I could only
Hope to walk a mile in.
Thoughts of cowboys eventually lead
to thoughts of you
the way most thoughts eventually do, 
I grab a backpack and fill it with
the memories of a kite hill view
a smile of someone I thought I knew
two lost heartbeats and a crickelwood crew
but nothing from you apart from the feeling
of horses riding without owners you distilled in me
and sadly, cream. Fortunately, dream: nothing
but a thing. and age ain't nothin' but a number
so like a fine wine I'll slumber
in the middle of summer of middle-
Oh America
I am yours.
the same way to the grave a hurst roars
or panic towards the sight of unlocked doors
So when the sun rises higher than heaven
and when the love of one stops me guessin'
and when we're all alone., together.
Have him hold my place for now honey
so when I get my shit together
(as I said earlier)
The storm that is life can just feel like a
summer breeze so weez wheeze like
our heart has sneezed at my shocking
nose bleedz. so he can take my place
but let him know, any time I want it
I could take it, but something inside me says
if i had it, I probably wouldn't even want it
so let me run. run like sonic collecting
golden rings chaos emeralds only things;
just like dreams. Just like age. Just like money,
and I think of money
and just as always
I think of you
and how you struggled, what you had to go through
Oh America
I am you!
Razor love is playing.
I wonder if my love could cut clean through
and just like all wonder
if things could get better if they found something new
what do you want with me?
some days you forget how I should be dealt with
but it's my fault.
I keep forgetting the very sight of you
causes pain but i love you so much
I'll do it again.
and i think of hurt
and just like all thoughts...
Oh America
Help me pull through.

Four cornered ring.

I was in the gym doing some weights
I began to think I was one of the greats
So I strutted into the old boxing hall
And said “My name’s Sean and I'll fight you all!”
Well the gave me a beating
And they took my pride
Tanned my hide
I cried inside,
And outside
Though I still stood tall
And took it all
Wouldn’t give them the satisfaction
Of seeing me fall
Until I fell
But only ‘co I got hit in the face
A punch so hard
That it lifted my feet
From their preferred resting place
I was mopped like a mope
So I roped-a-dope
Didn’t give me hope but if gave me time
So I spat out my gum shield
And dropped this rhyme
“I’ve been beaten black and blue
And you’ll hit me harder than I ever could do
But I feel gain from all this pain
Next week I’ll be back again
With a brand new name and a
Better mind frame I’d- -“
At that point I blacked out
From a hit under my ribs
My legs gave way
He never said he’d hit me
Though boxers I like that
They never say
 
It's now been seven years to the day
Since I got hit and my legs gave way
I've grown my hair then cut it short
Pretended to enjoy joint eighteenth birthdays
And sport
I've beaten bodies
And taken blows
Been seen from the front row
As I perform writers sorrow
After my fight I'll borrow a speech
Run to my theatre that's no longer within reach
A.B.A. finalist to baby killer
Acoustic believer to comic book reader
Vision of cool is less Beckham
More Neil Young
Member of a million factions
Not truly present in one
Mixing voices with mindsets
Intoxicating cocktails
For the fairer sex
I’ve sat-up
Pressed-up
Never
Let-up
Did it again
And
Stepped-up
Then gloved-up
 
Ducked
Dodged
Bobbed
And weaved
For three three minute rounds
Never dropped in speed
Jabbed and moved
Double jabbed stepped back
Right hand Pow!
No time to admire the blow
Sidestepped to the left
And right hook to your body
Now your breath wheezes away
As the hit goes under the rib-cage
And your legs give way
I never told you it was coming
Though boxers are like that
We never say
 
I have since stopped the art
Of hitting without getting hit
But I’ll never stop fighting
I have discipline
That cannot be collected
Through pampering
Or painting, singing or acting
Feel the jab
Inside there’s a sting
Kiss the ring
Though I am not
And never will be
A king
I will always be a warrior
Of that four cornered ring

same old.

1.

Hanging out with sadness makes one lonely

for sadness always makes terrible company

but when all talent you find becomes weary

and when it's said love gets in the way of success

(especially if you're in love with an actress)

one would wonder;

isn't love-when shared- a success in itself?

Or just a veil masking your global inadequacy?

I'm banking on the latter

2.

waiting for father and roswell plays

but my mind cannot help but stray

i wonder if she cares still

if she knows where i can be found

maybe its the result of a rebound

entirely probable statistically

logical, at least with the pen and pad

there is still entertainment to be had

but chest aches, every time

a breath escapes the shoulders fall

the eysbrows tense and always

walking serious. hah. supposedly

To get L-one off a mind there are possibilities

a fuck that is quick should do the trick

but to go down any old road again is a trek

swear down one must get out of L-D-N

cannot walk down same old buildings again

Every week is the same cycle.

only thing one should really do is escapeescapeescape!

E-to the- L ope. S-to the-O how 

                                                  'bout 

                                                   we 

                                                   go 

                                                   chi-ca-go!

23.10.08

It's a grey
windy day
And I'm only
Wearing two layers,
A nasty chest cold
Probably on the way
 
Witherspoons
 Interview at four
As if that's anything to live for.
I think I might not...
But there is no reason
for being here.
 
To stay or to go?
To and fro
This decision goes
and while  I try
to get my mind clear
A dead friend
has started whispering
In my ear.
 
A heavy burden
I think
She's had to bear
Sure I want to help
But her
Troubles
And possible
Suicidal
Thoughts I don't
want to hear
Because going back
Half a year
She had a knack for
Absolving all my fear.
 
And where
One half wants to
Hold her
Make sure
She never sheds
A single tear
Another half
wants to Tyson-ise
her fucking ear
to and fro this decision-
Oh no it's ten
To four
Got an interview
for boredom

On that day on the way

Whether driver or passenger
We ride together
Ready to fight whenever
And laugh forever
Like the Northmen,
We're Depending on each other
But obviously
We look a little better

Our heart's been known to wither
I don't think I could do without her
She keeps me a steady fella
Her lips my umbrella-ella
I'll love her until I die
And if you don't know
Just check the eyes
When she leaves I'm not the same
She's the girl who hates the game
And I wont back down again
No I wont back down again

Your gift and curse is felt
Times I've wished another hand were dealt
But maybe our presence can be felt
After all,
I have the pen
And you read my page
We'll run for mountains
Away from our age
Like the last sage
Trapped in Loki's maze
If only our peers
Could understand our rage
At the actors and
The Writers
In this mediocre haze
Drive for days and days
Live by our cowboy desert ways
Writing books forever
Every stage shall feel our thunder
And while we're drunk on laughter
We'll see imitators pinning after

And though my anger
Will never die
I take comfort
In you hearing me cry
Not a coincidence that
The one who understands
is the only one who will listen
and we don't need Swiss cottage
underground for your
hair to glisten
and in these words
just listen clear
and in these words
just listen clear:
as long as we're near
You wont ever have to fear
And I will always be near
because the loved one
Is loved around here.

Brave. Bold. Books. Old

The fifty pound
The Rectangular
Red notes
will
take hold
Until
like them
I crinkle 
and 
fold.

Once straightened out 
I'll be both the brave 
and the bold
Strong as the knights 

from books of old.
Work hard so our 
presence is felt 
around the world
showered with fans 
so we never feel cold

But when the armour
rusts
and the  
pages
turn to  
dust
will it  
matter
If people  
ever
talked about us?

Love of you.

When we first met, I loved the look of you.
Golden locks and ragged glory a lovely view

Then as we talked, I loved the idea of you
Such freedom and soul brilliantly new

Then we parted, and I loved the memory of you
What little there was had to make do

Then we reunited and, I loved the darkness of you
No. That's not true,

-It was not the darkness but that dim
Light of hope that shone through-

Then we kissed and, I loved the feel of you
Tender warmth and sweeter than honeydew

Now only in quick meetings can I try to love you
Imagine an elephants foot and Bliss' ballet shoe

Though these fleeting moments I eagerly await,
I'd rather just leave for the United States

But to be real honest and true it was never
The feel, look or light that shone through...

All I ever loved was/is/will simply forever wholly encompassing, only and all be; You.

and...

Number up.

No lies
create one truth
to ten dudes
a hundred ways to lose
a thousand destinations
for a million skies
a billion guys create a wall
just a trillion opportunities to stand tall
and then forever will call
to make you feel small.

number down.

a trillion laughs

after a billion pictures

a million kisses

in a thousand ways

a hundred hugs

in just ten days

one lost heart

never truly stays.

Basic

I'm a basic person
Who writes basic poetry
I buy basic food
From my local Sainsbury
Basically
There is no more to me
That what you already see:
A 20 year old boy named
Sean Mahoney.

so what's the point then?

Ping-pong against competitive old people
Lost as quickly as I could
Got out of there
Mission accomplished!

Read a book

Or write a shitty poem

Under a dim sunlight

Listening to cornflake girl

Shades on

Next to a pool

I feel a time and an age going by
While I sit under a dim sunlight
Thinking about a mistake I made

While I read a book

Or write a shitty poem

Two weeks after the trip what I do

listen to vampire blue

underneath the london clouds

out my window there is a wall

foundations are sloppy

It reminds

On top of a ladder as a painter decorator
I guess i was pretty low at the time

Digest the feelings onto this page........
Though it’s waste paper

Glove up.

I taste blood on my teeth

It's my own so tastes similar to defeat

still on my feet but finding it hard

to cope as I'm dangerously close

to the bastard ropes

blows to the head and it's hard

it's hard to take this kind of abuse

the headguard provided is too loose

virtually of no use

I hear the yells of a crowd urging me to fail

they're surprised I haven't fell

but the fight has barely begun!

If i could cry out for someone, I would

but when you're in the ring it's no good

just one on one no outside help will not come

and it's hard when you're on your own

I'm finding it hard fighting this one

the pressure applied is intense i need distance

my jab can see to that if i can

turn him into the corner and get on the attack

but to make the turn itself is hard enough

it's hard when a barrage of fists are in your way

I twist and lean into the punches

but a hook hits so strong my head rings

and though i cursed them before

those ropes are the only thing keeping

me from the floor

i don't know how I can do this

(why- why am I doing this?)

how can the attack keep on

and how does each hit stay so strong?

(for my mother? father? sister?)

and then stepping in comes the referee

(and then it hits so clearly)

giving an early standing count- one, two, three,

(I'm doing this for ME!) four,

I show him my hands are steady

end of the first round

and I can only give more.

the briefest of rests my character

is now going to be put to the test

every attack thrown I turn on it

duck every hook parry every jab

a right hand to the body slows him greatly

my fists become faster than electricity

and i land a blow so grand it hits hard

it's hard to stay up after that perhaps this

battle will turn well but the opponent

charges and pulls hits, grabs

still attacks letting me know

he's still there, well I'm right here

come get me motherfucker

you're tired after two rounds?

I've been fighting for three years!

resting. panting. trainer telling

me to keep on but it's not like he's the one

taking abuse for no particular reason

so much advice given but we all know

when that bell goes I'm forgetting

all I know and trading blow for blow though

my opponent may be stronger and faster

my heart is larger and I will not

become a martyr to hurt tonight

I swear to god I will win this fight.

one for one, round three of three

lets see what this dude can do to stop me

World circle 2.

LOVED
LOST
LEARNT
 
LOVED.
Every second of it
I've loved the looks that were given
the texts that were sent
the in jokes that were said
Only for me were they meant
Loved the beautiful face
That contained
the beautiful lips
And loved the beautiful lips
That contained
the beautiful smile
Loved her hips, arms, legs
And stomach
That contained
Her beautiful bile
The eyes were something to shout out about
The type of ones that don't hit you
but the ones that when looked
You can only fall into
Hours spent as
those eyes you search
And swim through
Loved.
Loved making love
Loving someone who loves you
You'll find it's the best thing you can do
Especially when you do it for a whole weekend.
the hair:
fair, long 'n' bronze
Light never bounced
But absorbed like a sponge
And was gently released
Through the glow that came from her skin
And always warmed me
No matter what condition I was in
Always funny
Awoke my grin
knew me well
Never overtly sexual
But always sexy
Not afraid to be adventurous
But always a lady
She was my honey my lady my coolest baby
Every song about love no matter how corny
Suddenly became a symphony
Gave me a feeling that this world was meant for me
Like we'd be together for an eternity
Yeah, this was the feeling. I knew it.
I had fallen in love.
How foolish a young man can be.
'Cos when I recognized
She no longer felt the same for me
I realized I couldn't fall for an eternity
Man I hit the ground hard
And I will be feeling that pain
Eternally
 
LOVED
LOST
LEARNT.
 
LOST
And what did I lose?
I lost it all.
 
LOVE
LOST
LEARNT
 
LEARNT.
I learnt to never trust red heads
Or women in general, at that.
I learnt you're not a man until
You're hurt by a woman.*
Learnt to conserve emotions
And conservatively converse
Making sure the truth never comes first
Strong barriers must be built up
So confidence can't get knocked down
Learnt why I see few are happy grown up
And in life you will always be let down.
Learnt that there's no point in trying
because if you tell yourself you're gonna be happy
You'll only be lying
Learnt that you'll probably
Be alone when dying
Aspiring means perspiring and why do that
When doing it for no one?
You're doing it for nothing.
 
Learnt
Learnt that women will be needed
But needing them for only one feeling
Is a lot better way of dealing
Someone hurt her
So she hurt me
So I hurt more
A viscous cycle of pain
That after Joining
I'm only happy to play the game
I assumed it was only natural
After all
Even the world
Turns in a circle
 
And time went by
And I stayed the same.
 
Learnt
On one particular day
When going to a girls
For a lay
She opened the door for me quick
And gave me a wide smile I never asked for
Wearing nice clothes I couldn't care for
She greeted me as if it was
Her personality I had come for
And looked at me as if
I was the one who had fair, long 'n' bronze hair
And she looked in my eyes as if
She was lost in them
As if when I wasn't looking
She had swum through them
And for the first time in a while I was reminded of
Myself, four years ago
And remembered, not the loss
But the love I had been through.
I held that girl tight that night.
 
Learnt
That if I had the chance to go through it all again I would
Because the bad times could never outweigh the good.
And yes, Though young love can often bring loss with it
Know in our heart of hearts we welcome it
As when it comes to ----
Any pain is worth it.
That's what I've learnt.

rode in only two ride out.

I am a knight hiding under no armour I
ride shotgun in a chevy with insanity's daughter I
call her Heather her real name is Murder I
have no qualms I'm all for the slaughter, I
surf on the wings of a pigeon who sings, I
laugh like a child who hears the lunch bell ring, I
eat better than most though refuse to boast, I
run faster than some but get faster in the sun, I
give because because I'm a passive aggressive, I
get passively aggressive when he's being dismissive, I
twitter this twitter that we tweet to speak teach to chat, I
live in grey and day by day- I
begin to accept this is where I'll stay, I
cry because I'd want to at parties you're supposed to, I
do what I'll have to, I
fly because I'm above you, I
accept a match that has no catch but the door is on a latch, I
listen quite a lot to Johnny Cash, I
once had a rash, 
I called it eczema to be exact, I
reach into a hat and pull out not a rabbit but a cat, I
know it's risen from the dead no need to eat though offered it bread, I
hold many swords but only hit people when wearing a glove, I
got a lot of satisfaction from seeing others blood, I
gain acceptance from a large audience always, I
release pain through truth and the pain forever stays, I
take one last look at a once beautiful view
I understand it has become a ruin like all beautiful things eventually do
I remember back to a time that was too good to be true I
hate my love for you I
have kept and will keep every promise I'll ever make, I
promise never to ---- --- -----, I
see no reason why this promise should break, I
can't help but think something about heather isn't quite together, I
assume it's the fascination of dying and taking the whole world with her, I
suspect she's a member of the Al-queda but yet to see a terrorist agenda
I met her brother, I
called him John I
asked him where he was from he said a time long gone, I
think the father called him paranoia, I
believe paranoia is turning into vanity or what no just me?
I figure people are so used to being watched might as well look good
I don't know about you but I'd rather go live in an igloo
I love this cake
I love that song
I love James Franco
I love you, I
suppose love now means nothing too, I
never remember hurt so it always comes back worse, I
take it all on the chin, I
do it all with a grin, I
receive all this pain and just store it within, I
look into the mirror and don't know what I'm supposed to see, I
wonder what the reflection is trying to be, I
ask if that really is the real me, I
get nothing in return apart from what was already said
I just have to accept
I am what
I am
I do what
I can
I hope you understand
I travel along a crowded concrete promise land
I share with all, the pieces of a man.

Thunderbolt and Lightfoot.

The world hurts and

and it hurts

to see a hero fall

especially when this one

taught you how to stand tall

I understand that
If I ever came to you
in need of someone to talk to
you'd open your door
and let my heart pour
But can I depend on you
to make me the first person
you look to?
when in need of someone
to pull you through?

You promise not to ditch me
when another man stumbles in,
you wont drop me when you find him?
It was hard enough when I first left
to do it again there probably wont be
much of me left.
Just, you know that I know we know
more than most
We got it. I don't know how rare it is
but dude I don't want to lose this.
Not again.
So are we going to keep strong?
No matter what happens in our lives
Will we be the ones to talk to
about inspiration?
when in need of motivation?
and talk about any complication?
no matter our-how do i say- situation?

I hope so.
Man I hope so.

oh fuck.

I'm not that strong no

but i know i can go

so keep a piece of my time show

the world i can still flow

though slow-

-ly i awake in a bed

cluttered with comic books,

an open laptop and

worn out jeans folded badly

knowing this isn't as good as it gets

but hoping it'll get better quickly

you feel me?

You are-

The Monroe to my Miller
The Lane to my Kent
The Bonnie to my Clyde
The Budden to my Tahiry
The Calliope to my Dream
The Leila to my Han Solo
The Knowles to my Carter
The Watson to my Parker
The Laura to my Shadow
The Bergman to my Bogart
The Hammond to my V
The models to my Palmer
The Wilma to my Fred
The Marge to my Homer
The Ardee to my Glokta
The Plant to my Page
The Alabama to my Clarence
The Heart to my beat
The feet to my street
The Peggi to my Young
The Rotolo to my Dylan
The rotolo because,
The The The The The
The beginning and end
The lover and friend
The way it will (it will) end-
Just know I couldn't
have asked for a better way
for my time to have been spent
and to no other girl i lay
will my heart be so easily lent.

What she'll say to him.

I tip-toed up and that connection-
grabbing my hips, closer
never with another
have I felt so together
so when we released
I opened my eyes
Blinked twice
Couldn’t believe that I was here
With you
Couldn’t believe that it turns out
This is all I’ve ever wanted
Couldn’t believe I could ever be
Surprised again
And I said
“Okay, this is it now
I, like this status quo
I got you, you got me
From here on in, know
Without you, I refuse
To see tomorrow”

His eyes stretch open wide, where he had planned for years to find the right words she replied with something that, well, blew him away and that made him glad, because as each second passed both were beginning to understand this night was a time for things that are new. To tread down one less cloudy path. She leans in, her neck beautifully stretching out, her eyes closing but instead of a kiss he grabs her hugs her. Then holds her. Harder. But she holds on just as tight. After a good thirty seconds they relent., looking back at each other. It’s so serious neither of them can’t help but laugh. It's all so deep, it's all so daft. It's used to be so unexpected, until it happened.
The end.

la da-da-da-dee

all i've ever given
is all i've got
and all i've got
is not a whole lot
and if all you ever do
is do me wrong
well then just keep on
because im near done.

but if all i ever gave

was all you ever needed

know if you asked for more

you would have received it

and if all i ever do

is make you smile

know that making you smile

makes it all worthwhile

and if all i ever said

turns out to be wrong

well then just sing along

so i can stay strong

all i've ever given

is all i've got

and all i've got

is not a whole lot

and if all you ever do

is do me wrong

well then just keep on

because im near done.

Vivid autumn morn.

colours blue sky fresh white clouds red tree leaves dark thick roots yellow green grass something like camden lock something like this place i imagined when i read mick foleys autobiography- a dusty high grass american mid-west country we're somewhere there you're red coat black hair walking like we used to but anger resides within you words are said but i forget because i was sleeping i perch up on a railing i feel arms round my neck come lean in grab tight hold black leggings you're,i'm, wait. - .don't wake.

friend, relate.

Threw away a fun friendship
For a serious relationship
Traded a meaningful courtship
For a one-night partnership
Lost a heart of gold
To a life of old
trapped the lost girl
for unrequited desires
but she was so pretty
and exposed all the liars
fixed such broken veins
for a release of pain
she sipped your life
in through a straw
left your emotions
on the other side of the door
you were meant to feel for more
instead walk through life
longing for the cold pain
the thin slice sliding across
red slowly pours and climbs
longing to be free, just like me,
i, a bit like you, threw away
a meaningful relationship
for a one night partnership
supported an indignant claim
(an excuse) for a life of fame
but now all i want
is....

i just, don't know anymore.
god help me. I'm so lost.